26 January 2019 - 16:16
distractedSo, we saw the movie Split. It made me analyze how we live ourself. What is our inner landscape like? When we were younger, and first beginning to discover ourself, we called ourself the Cavern Clan. Several reasons. At the time, I believed myself, Grizzly, to be the Core (I have learned much since then). Grizzly bears live in caves. That was my logic. This is my clan, it belongs to me, I can control it. I was so arrogant. Psh, yer tellin' me. Shut up, Ninja.
Turns out, I may be a frontrunner, but I'm not the Core. I don't think our system has a core. I've brought this up before. As of the time of this entry, there are thirteen distinct people within this body, but there may be more. There may have been more at one point in our life, but we can't remember. I think we've been multiple for a very long time, perhaps our entire life! Most of my earliest memories contain wisps of the others that share this body with me, and most feel like they didn't even happen to me, but rather someone else. Are certain people predisposed to be multiple? Were we? Had we been raised any other way, in any other circumstance, would we still be many? I happen to think the answer is yes. I don't even remember having a memory that was all my own until I was in second grade, probably. And even so, most of my memories of that time are tinged with BB's essence.
I's remember th' firs' time I's knew I's was me, dat I was apart. It was those tostadas, dawg. I's remember feelin' so angry... I ended up rippin' those things apart wit' my bare hands an' stuffin' them into my face. I's ate in anger. But I didn' even know what I was angry 'bout. Well, the others didn' know. An' we felt simultaneously angry an' yet not at th'same time. I's knew the anger was mine, but the others were also aware an' felt separate from it. So they's knew I was angry, but they's weren't. It was so weird...
I think Yowlie was present there with you even way back then. It's why he takes great pleasure in eating. He was nourished by your anger, your aggressive way of feeding, because he felt that meant you were strong. Anger can be a weakness, tho'. True. Also, I probably shouldn't talk for the kid. You always overanalyze shit, bro.
We got sidetracked by our nephews. There's this racing game called Nitro or something like that, and it's addicting. It's you controlling a race car by how fast you type. We played a few rounds, and that was fun. Now I think I'll go back to that for a bit. Hrm. Anyhow, we'll finish this up later.