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17 June 2006 - 01:18

empty spiral

My blood is pounding in my numb head, and the walls of the Closet seem to pulse along with it. I feel so isolated from my surroundings. Everything seems surreal... nothing exists... except them. The Troops. They keep us company in all this chaos.

Da Ninja's been under a lot of strain lately, and we don't know how to help him, quite. All I know right now is that we want to listen to Lacuna Coil. Gis pouts about it, Jack demands it, ends of his tentacles balled into makeshift fists. But all LaunchCast has to offer at this hour is Marcy Playground. *sigh* I'm getting a terrible, terrible headache. It won't go away... but nothing hurts. Nothing ever hurts. Damn.

My brows are knitted into a permanent frown, and I distrust everyone and their motives. Even María's. Right now, especially María's. Now more than ever, Piojo warns us against her, but Ninja shakes his head stubbornly trying to clear this painless ache.

"You'll never see me fall from grace," he mutters along to some Korn, his words grated through clentched teeth directing themselves at the Protector. Piojo laughs humorlessly and tells us that we are alone, always to be alone. No one can be trusted. For they will always betray us at one point or another. Yang says nothing, but silently agrees, at least when it comes to María. I haven't quite told her yet that Yang doesn't like her, doesn't trust her at all. She, like Denise, annoys the crap outta him. He wishes she would go away and leave him alone. Leave us all alone. But Dud says María never will leave. *grunt* She says it like it's a good thing. Right now, Ninja is struggling with the overload he's getting, both at work and at home. This morning he threatened to leave, and at first we told him it was a stupid move. Because we thought it was a stupid move. But the more we've thought about it as the day's gone by, the more we realize he's got a point. We can't be so selfish that we let our frontrunner suffer so much just because we want to be comfortable. Sometimes, he needs to be comfortable too. Sometimes, the poor guy just needs a break. He needs a break from everything, and I guess that's why we're waiting for María to break. So someone can break, since he never will (at least not for a while yet), so she'll betray us already and Piojo can be right as always... and we can get on with our life. I want to get on without her, without the Dud and her baby, without them all...

Except for 'Ama. 'Ama and 'Apa. They can stay, they're safe. Because they're parents, and parents have to be safe. I just want my life to be the way it was before... before any of this shit started, when it was just me and 'Ama and 'Apa watching out for each other. No Dud, no María, no Aaron and definately no Denise. No UPS, no nothing. Nada, nada, nada. No quiero nada.

�

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