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14 February 2019 - 17:53

Fear in three parts

Grizzly: We went to the dentist today. Kids are still pretty shaken up. Our mouth's situation is so bad, the dentist didn't even want to deal with us and instead referred us to a periodontist. She was a pretty, petite woman with talons for fingers. That's what it felt like inside our mouth, anyway. The procedure was so painful, tears streamed out of our eyes through will of their own. Piojo partially took over, which is the reason why we didn't cry out or even wince as the good doctor ripped into our gumline with her tiny hooks. Which is why I suppose she didn't think we needed anesthetic. Our mouth bled freely, and we swallowed down the blood.

Yowlie remained true to his word, and refused to internalize. The entire time she prodded our mouth, we had to fight back his desire to bite. But he's a brave kid; I'm proud of the little guy. However, when one kid pops up, the other two are never far behind. I could taste their terror as easily as I could our bloody saliva. BB and Polla decided to back up Ninja in frontrunning, and our fluctuating vocal range probably made us sound as though we were going through puberty.

15 February 2019, 10:21
(We were updating at work and had to stop the entry because, well, work.) So yeah, yesterday was pretty terrible. We named this entry "Fear," but I think that's the wrong way to describe yesterday. "Overwhelmed" seems like a better description, although I think Grizz was probably referring to the fear felt by the kiddos. That was a real, tangeable fear, and it reverberated through our bones until it infected us all. The kids, especially Gis, has always been the hardest one of the kids to handle, which is why we keep her so deeply internalized. Still, certain things will make her surface, despite our best efforts, and again, she's usually accompanied by either Yowlie or Jack. Oftentimes both. Yesterday, it was all three. I'm guessing they showed up to comfort Yowlie, since he insisted on fronting with the adults to prove he could handle the procedure and be helpful. Well, like Grizzly said, he was brave, I'll give him that, but his tiny feral instinct flared up, and he was in full-on animal mode, with Ninja having to hold him tightly in his arms and constantly tell him it'd be over soon. MB doesn't do well with restraints, and Ninja's arms were like a vise. Both of them were breathing hard with the strain while being buffeted by the constant pain, and at one point, the rest of us were afraid we were going to swallow our tongue. That's when BB invoked Piojo, begged him to take over. Our body was like a ship, lost and ransacked in a storm. Piojo quickly got our breathing under control, made our hands unclench a bit, but he wouldn't take away the pain, which is what we all wanted. He made our body act like we felt nothing, but believe me, we all felt that! Even he did, except he didn't mind it.
Grizzly: Hey, 'Ama is awake. *smiles* Anyhow, by the time Piojo showed up, Jack and Gisita were fully awake and crowding the front. I think almost everyone was, except for Sal, Prophet, Shifter and Moco. It was a very chaotic time, but we managed to pull through it. Piojo did a good job of keeping the kids from fronting, though that helpless terror they felt resulted in them merging into a diminutive demonic force, which was unleashed the moment we stepped outside the dental practice. To make things even more complicated, our mother was accompanying us, and she accidentally triggered the kid-blob by asking us how things went. Jack usually handles the talking when it comes to the kids, but he has a one-track mind, and tends to repeat himself over and over again. He kept saying, "Éa, hurts! Éa, scared! Éa, we were scared! Éa, éa, éa!" ("Éa" doesn't mean anything, really. Jack's just prone to making noise.) And once we were safely in the car, Gis let out a full-blown wail, and we were bawling like the children they are. Thankfully, my mom knows about us being a system, and knows we contain kids, but she still tries to shush us in public. We tried to contain them, but they are strong in the front, especially the Little One, and we couldn't, not for a good few minutes. Not until they had cried and sniffled and cried out some more. Since we adults were shoved back, and with no front-runner, Yowlie and Jack were left to drive. Which, thankfully, they can do, but Yowlie was shaking too hard to drive, and Jack was too erratic. They managed, somehow, and Gisita finally began to calm down during the drive by remembering when our father used to sit us in the driver's seat (car off, of course) and let us pretend we were driving.
[We originally typed this out around 14:30 Hrs., but for some reason, it wasn't saved. So we're trying again, but of course, it won't be verbatim from what we wrote before.]
BB: I am so tired of going over this...! Grizzly's right. We've all been exhausted since yesterday's events. It's also draining knowing that we've still got a long ways to go going forward. The periodontist explained to us that because of bone tissue loss, we're going to lose a lot of teeth. I think that's what's got the boys so down. They feel that it's their fault for not being better frontrunners. I don't just blame them, though. We are all at fault, really. We need to do a better job at letting Polla handle our hygiene, since, y'know, she actually likes to. And even though I am dismayed at the thought of losing all those teeth (about ten in total, including our entire front bottom ones – Polla is mortified), I try to stay positive. I want to look at this as one more adventure, like Ninja is always telling us. I mean, we've never known what it's like to not have any teeth, and eventually, we'll get fake teeth, and that'll be interesting too, I think. Anyway, that's what I keep telling myself and the kids. It's hard, though, trying to soothe them, especially Gis. She associates not having teeth with old people, so to her, this means we are now becoming extremely old, which means we're closer to dying, which just means 'Ama is even closer to death herself, and that terrifies her. She's still so little, and really needs and wants our mother. I try to comfort her as best as I can, but it's not me she wants. And I'm not trying to replace 'Ama or anything, but we do need to prepare her (and us, too). All I know is, I'll be sloppy seconds if Mom's not around. Well, anyhow, I think I'm done here, with this, for now. We're all so very tired since this ordeal started. Right now, only Grizzly and Sal are running things. Ninja's out like a light. I can see him sleeping on his side, with Yowlie curled up asleep against his chest. They're both too warm; I can tell because they're both sweating, but they don't seem to mind, pobrecitos. I think we all need a nap.

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