11 November 2006 - 14:53
His PeopleI've been looking for The Red and can't find it. I know we just haven't been looking hard enough.
For once, I wanna talk about a multiple system other than the one I'm composed of. I don't know their name. In fact, I know very little of them, as I don't even think they're aware of each other. We've known this multiple system for years, have been around these people for years and caught glipmses of most, if not all its members. That's why we were looking for The Red. We wrote about them in that notebook, all those years and years ago (has it really only been two?). Seems like it was forever-ago. Back then we counted five, now we don't really try to count, we just accept as they flow in and out of that face that has become ever so routinely familiar to us. I think this is the only other multiple we've ever run across.
The body they inhabit is that of our progenitor, my father. Surprised? I'm not. Some psychological studies have shown that perhaps multiplicity is hereditary, passing on from one generation to the next. The reason I was looking for The Red was because back then, we listed all five members that we saw, and wrote a little on each one, just to make sure they were there, even if no one ever believed us. I mean, not everyone believes us about us...
My sister doesn't believe. 'Ama tries to understand, and María believes. Still, none of them were willing to accept that 'Apa, too, like me, was in fact a multiple system. I mean, admitting that we have one wacko in the family is bad enough without having to admit there's another, no?
But I did more than believe. Back then, as we do now... we knew... still know. Papi is just like me, like us. They're just like us. And I'm bringing this up now because... well, because they're gonna die soon. My father is dying, and I feel so dismayed! Apart from loving him for what he is and all that shit, he's my only link to others like me. They're the only ones that make me feel like my Clan is not alone out there, that there's others like us out there, living together in one body. Even though 'Apa's peep's ain't aware of each other, not really they ain't. They're still a comfort to me.
And now they're gonna die! I don't want them to die, because I love them in a way I don't think anyone ever will, as individuals within one self. And... and... and he's got Little People inside him, dammmit! What's gonna happen to his Little People?!
*sigh* Okay. I'm cool, dawg, I'm cool...
In actuality we've only seen one child within my father. He's a little boy, hardly older than our Gisita chula. I'd say he's around five, maybe six. He's one of the only two whose name we know for sure: Miguel. His name is Miguel. He... reminds me a lot of Jack; he's so innocent. He really likes Yang, his hand is so small when placed in ours...
Because of him, our mother finally believes us about 'Apa. They're in the hospital now, and we went to visit him the other day. The liver specialist was there, and he took us outside while 'Ama stayed in the room with 'Apa. There he told us the news: start preparing yourselves, make funeral arrrangements if need be and yadda yadda yadda. But the thing that got me, just got me to my fucking heart, was when 'Apa was there lying on the bed, and the doctor was checking him over. 'Ama was at his side and I was standing at the foot of the bed. And then, just like that, he switched! Just like that, in front of everybody. And there was Miguelito, all five years old of him, looking small and scared and awed and hopeful (hope is the last thing that dies, especially in a child)... and he grabbed on to the doctor's sleeve, and looking up at him said in his five-year-old voice of innocence: "Pero usted me va a curar mi higado, ¿verdad Doctor?"
Translation: "But you'll cure my liver, won't you doctor?"
'Ama cried all car drive back home, disbelief and amazement written all over her tear-stained face. She couldn't deny it anymore. She had seen him. She had seen him.
Miguelito has no notion of what's really happening to my father's body. Doesn't understand cirossis or lung cancer or diabetes and high blood pressure. All he knows are aches and boo-boo's, and doctors always make those better.
And I knew the cause of my father's problems in a heartbeat, just like I've always known but gave no second thought to - Rule.
Rule, the only other alter in my father's system that I know the name to. Fuckin' bastard, I've always detested him. (Hey, just 'cause he's my father doesn't mean I gotta love all his peeps, right?) Rule is the selfish, drinking, bullying asshole in my father's system. I gotta give him props, though, he's what allowed my dad to survive in the nasty-ass world he grew up and old in. Made him one of the "big boys". But that doesn't make him a decent human being. He's the one that screwed us over with Claude Nein, that will continue to screw us over until the day the body dies. He's the chain smoker, the drinker, the gambler. He refused to stop with his addictions even when we begged him to. And now he's got them all in this mess! Where the body they're all in is dying, and all because of his selfishness! If I could kill him, I would. I know you would, Ninja, but calm yourself down. The truth is we can't, even if he deserves the death he's gonna get. And Rule does deserve that death, the agony of liver failure and all that, but the rest of them don't! El Compadre, Miguelito, That Strange Woman and Lord Knows Who Else... they're not the ones who did all these things, I don't even think some of them know they're sick... and still. All will die. If I could only spare them...! Take them all into my own body, let them share with us in The Closet, I would. I'd let them in, and Piojo be damned. Because they're my family too... and I will miss them when they're gone.
I will miss them all when they die.