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14 September 2004 - 23:08

killin' me softly

"Strummin' my pain with his fingers... singin' my life with his words..."


Yeah... I's got that song in my head now. T'day, I'm feelin'... suicidal. Yup. A nice slit in my throat would sure hit the spot right now.

We're depressed t'nite, an' I'd like ta say I don' know why, but of course we knows.

It is really fuckin' scary, havin' Piojo be a part of me. He's jus' so cold and dead... like he ain't even human, y'know? An' he's proud of it, which makes things worse. He fuckin' scares the shit outta me, dawg. I'm sure he scares other people, too. Maria's scared of him. Terrified, act'lly. She told us she ain't ever wanna meet him! An' I's don't blame her. He's a pretty intimidatin' guy. He don't care for nobody, not even himself. Even now, while the rest of us be depressed an' all, he's calm as anythin', cool as ya please, lookin' around like he don' see what the big deal is.

I don't.

He don't need that damn knife ta kill us. We already be drainin' slowly. Buts the thing is, tho'... we's can't live without him, y'know. Arrogant as it sounds, we know he's always right when he says he's always right. He's never bin wrong. He won' be neither. Not in this lifetime. I jus' wish he would cut us some slack.

But who the fuck am I kiddin'? He'll work us to death, or kill us himself. He can always silence us, take control whenever he thinks necessary. He always makes me feel so helpless... and alone...

Even now I shake my head because he wants to shake all feeling out of us. He's getting there. I won' need to keep typin' fer long. I am already feeling so much better. So much more like I jus' don't give a fuck. So much more like it's not me anymore, it's him.

And it is me. We are all me.

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