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17 April 2020 - 23:14

once UPSon a workplace

We've been having issues with the Clerical department at work. Mainly, we're annoyed at certain people for milking the clock and staying too damn long. See, it all happened like this (Gather 'round kids! It's Story Time! *generic kid cheers*):

We started coming in to work on Saturdays, because the work was available, so Greedy Grizzly and his brother Needy Ninja *generic kid giggles* decided: why not? And here we are. We weren't the only ones from the LS crew to come in and help, either. There were also Bertie, Taco Lady and Kique (names changed for fairytale purposes). That first week, Sandra also showed up, but afterwards decided it just wasn't for her. Well, during this time, chatting it up with people from other work shifts and departments that we usually don't mingle with, Bertie started saying how their department is always forgotten; no one helps them except Kique. Taco Lady and Kique nodded in agreement. "Wow, that's so sad," said Grizzly. "We'll stay n' help!" added Ninja, because he may be a thug, but he's a gentleman, damnit, so there. Grizzly went along with it because he was thinkin' of that cha-ching. (Wow, way to make me out to be the asshole here, Ninja. *shrugs* 'M jus' sayin'.)

INTERLUDE: Kique and Thelma walk into the office, murmuring. I knew Thelma was here, but knowing Kique was on the clock with her really grates on my last nerve. Whatever, it just adds to the story kiddos! *generic children gasps and ooh's*

Back to the story: the following Monday, and every night thereafter, the two brothers stayed behind after their department's work was done to help the poor old ladies of Clerical-Land. Clerical&. (Inside joke. *Generic kid eye rolls*) We thought: if we all work hard together, the ladies won't be bustin' their butts as much anymore, and we'll all get out earlier! Well, earlier for them, but later for us. It all evens out.

However, that's not how things panned out. *generic kid gasps* (Gis claps a hand over her mouth, eyes as wide as they can get, which honestly, isn't very.) We tried staying to help with paperwork (well, electronic report stuff), but still they were getting out late. So much physical labor stuff to do! So many packages to put away or load into trailers! And the bags! THE SMALLS BAGS! Oh, the humanity! They were everywhere! So, hey, Ninja likes that kind of physical, sweaty work anyway, right? And now the gym's closed, so let's do that part of their job, make things easier. Are they leaving earlier after he took over doing all that? Nope. Still getting out around 1 AM every night, just about. We found out they had Kique doing Light Checks on package cars at the end of the night, even though he's not Yard Certified. We took over that, too, yet still he stays. He stays, Cindy stays, Roberta stays, Irma stays and so does Thelma. (Because fuck fairytale names.) We're the ones who end up tired and sweaty with a busted knee, and regardless of what we do, or anyone else does for that matter (they've had Alex and Josie stay behind and help, too, some days), they still stay. Doing what is anyone's guess. It's a mystery, kids! *generic kid gasps*

Of course, there is no real mystery. They're milking the clock, stretching whatever amount of work they have to last them as long as they want it to, as long as they need it to. We've made a point of notifying management. If that makes us snitches, so be it, bitches. We informed the part-time supervisors because frankly, we're tired of making their paycheck. We refuse to leave, though, because again, Greedy Grizzly and Needy Ninja are greedy and needy for moneh. (Wow, Sal, you are such a dick! You suck as a storyteller, man!) Yeah, but am I wrong? We have no real need to put up with this bullshit. We could just do what Alex does and take off, go home. We'd be happier, and less tired. But I know you boys. Ninja, you'd be stewing in your own angry sweaty juices knowing that they were still on the clock when we left, making that extra buck while doing absolutely nothing, and Grizz, so would you. Because you're competitive as all hell, and are also a control freak who likes to boss people around.

Oh, I'm the control freak?

I nitpick things regarding my own production. You like to control everything and everyone else.

Listen guys, no fighting, okay? You'll ruin Story Time.

Meh, I think Story Time is pretty much over. *generic kid groans*

Listen, we've gotta get heading home. We need to shower, and see Mom, and Beasters and Mowgli. *kids perk up* Maybe we'll even have burgers. *generic kid cheers*

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