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29 December 2004 - 02:36

silent night[mare]

I wasn' gon' type in this shit tonight. Told the others I needed sleep. I do. But this shit called to me.
I jus' can't rest. I'm restless, I'm pissed... yeah. I'm fuckin' PISSED OFF, dawg. I dunno what to do, or think, an' that's cuz when I'm pissed I jus' don't think. That's my problem, Piojo says. Dud don' like Piojo. He don' care. Neither do I. I like the guy, tho' I hate him at times, too. Piojo's always right, an' Dud can't understand that. She never will understand that, cuz she expects him to fail, ta be wrong. Just once, because she thinks he's human. HE's NOT! Ha! Idiots, all a 'em. An' that's just him speakin' through me. But he does that sometimes, an' I don' think people can understand that either.
And I'm goin' off track.
Right. I was pissed off. Well, AM pissed off. At life. At Mar�a. I mean, how could she do this to me, man? Sleep around like that? What the fuck that all about? Not that I care, but that's jus' Piojo again. I care. It fuckin' hurts me, man. I know she better than that. At least, I hoped she would be. But Piojo sits there, starin' at me wit' that 'I-told-ya-so' look in his black eyes, an' I can't tell him shit, because, once again, he right. Fuckin' bastard. Won't let me sleep. Can't sleep. I gotta sleep. T'morrow Pifas is takin' us out to eat, in celebration of our new fuckin' job. He real pleased. Wish I could be. Polla's pleased, an' so is BB. Piojo's satisfied. Dud thinks Piojo is a pussy who feels sorry for ourself all the time, but he ain't, an' I know she'll hate it if she reads this, but... she jus' don' understand. This is me, this is us, this is now, right now, in my head, being shared with all the others. An' I don't expect her to worry, don't expect no one ta feel sorry for us, cuz we ain't alone. All I wanna do now is sleep. Sleep forevermore but I can't because I be pissed off. I can't believe Mar�a's such a slut. [Piojo can.] I can't believe some dipshit-assed motherfucker rammed into my car and totaled it. [Piojo can.] I'm gon' hafta get rida my ride now an' get a new one. And that sucks! [Polla don't think so, but the bitch can go fuck herself.] Everyone in the house seems to be asleep... everyone but me. And even now my eyes slowly close, Grizzly's takin' over, I can tell, we're blendin' into one fer the night. I feel him here inside me, feelin' me out, soothin' my rage, taking over my words, smoothing them out, the accent fades....

He is resting now. Poor guy. I really feel bad for him. Ninja just doesn't know how to cry. He's really down right now, disappointed because of Mar�a, not willing to let it go. He's exhausted, but then, so are we all. My shoulders hurt, my head lolls to the side. But our leg twitches, Ninja is still restless. We will probably have nightmares tonight. Not to mention fights with the wall. *sigh* And I'm tired too, my fingers are. I need to get some sleep, before Piojo wakes up and it all goes to hell. I hope things look up for my buddy Ninja here. He's not talking much, and we all know that's not like him. I just don't want him to get depressed, because then we'll all get depressed, and Moco says we can't start off the New Year that way. He's right. But there isn't anything we can do about it right now. We just need to get some shut-eye. I'm going to bed.

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