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31 December 2019 - 15:17

in pieces

Sal flitters around Ninja, looking anxiously at his brother. "Dude, you okay?" he asks for the umpteenth time. Ninja growls a reply and keeps walking briskly towards his work area. Clearly, he's annoyed by Sal's antics. I keep my distance, watching him quietly. He's been in some mood lately. Not that I blame him. I've been quite stressed myself, and it's been hard to keep his rage in check. Piojo's invisible chains are the only thing restraining the thug. They itch at his shoulder blades, which is why he keeps throwing back his shoulders and puffing out his chest. It's not swagger. He's straining against those damn things.

We're feeling a bit better now. Well, let's be honest here: we're not. Well, Ninja is not. We shoved him to the back, Piojo and I, but he didn't really resist much. He was tired. I sense him sleeping now, uneasy, deep breaths that sound a bit like snarls. He curled up right on the damn floor, no blanket or pillow or anything. Just lay on his side in a lump where Piojo threw him down. Sal, bless his heart, has been beside him since, taking Ninja's head into his lap as he sits cross-legged on the floor. He's been crying. He feels like we all feel. I'm not as weepy anymore, though I admit I was earlier in the day, before dropping Mom off at the Dud's house. I cried for a good while with BB while we cuddled Beasters on our lap. Crying and laps seem to be today's theme. What a way to end the year. I hope Mom's doing better over at Rosa Isela's. I asked her to not start any fights with my stupid fuckin' sister. Told her to keep her mouth shut, even if the Dud brings up how my plurality is bullshit and that I'm making shit up. Even if she blames me for what Angel is going through right now. To keep her mouth shut no matter what my sister says. Because last year we went through something similar, when we got into that huge fight with Rosa Isela over religion. And Mom was caught in the middle of it all. The Dud hates it when Mom takes our side, and when we spoke with her the other night, I could see her glancing over to 'Ama from time to time to gauge her reaction. She's been itching for a fight, and many times she'll lash out at our mother when she's trying to get at me. She knows she can't get under my skin by directly attacking me, or even any of my inner siblings. When she states that she doesn't believe that we're even real, yes, that stings. It hurts a lot because many of myselves love that bitch even though she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve Jack's lurve, BB's worry, or Yang's older-brotherly love, or Moco's, or even Polla's admiration. And yeah, I care about her too, but I care about my internal family more. That's the reason why her words can't phase me, at least not in the moment she says them. I reserve my right to hurt and mourn later, away from her, usually in 'Ama's arms.

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