22 January 2020 - 22:39
wishingMan, we've been reading over some of our older entries, and... man! I'd forgotten a bunch of shit that we wrote back then! In fact, I forgot most of it. Some stuff, I wasn't even aware of; stuff written by some of the others. Not that I didn't know they could write without me, it's just that, it's a rare occurrence. They usually wait around for me to do it, lazy asses. And to be fair, I do take pride in it, too, writing. May also be a reason why the others back off from it. But it was fascinating to see some of the random writing from my siblings. I even read one from Piojo, which freaked me the hell out! It didn't sound like him, and I tried hard to think back to that entry and see if anyone else was corunning with him, but that usually isn't the case, and I'm sure it wasn't the case then either. That really was our Protector, venting his ramblings. Because they really came across as ramblings, mindspew, and dare I say, maybe a bit insane. Like the frothings of a fundamentalist. Eerie, really. But other than the strange semblance of emotion in that writing, it kinda fit his personality, if I'd been paying any attention. Then there was another entry where Ninja mentions two other members, or quasi-members, or past members, I don't know, of our system, Munchkin and the Spook. Now, Spook I have memory of. Not that I ever met the guy or anything, but I remember Yang mentioning him. Munchkin, however, I have absolutely no recollection of, and I look over to Ninja now, but he only gives me a blank stare in return. Either he doesn't remember anymore either, or he refuses to speak about it. Or, which is also likely, he's been made to forget. Yes, I believe Piojo has that ability. To erase what he deems to be worthless for us, or anything that may cause suffering. Again, creepy as fuck.
It's fascinating to see how much we've changed over the years. I'm not sure what compelled me to go over some of those entries, though I have gotten the urge to take up writing again, except maybe not continue the Apocrypha project we'd been working on years back. Instead, I kinda want to write about our experience, living our lives in this singular world. For the sake of A11, and the rest of my sister's kids, for the sake of all multiple systems out there. For Jazz, and Oure Gaiya. I miss my friends.
I don't want it to be a memoir, though. I want to write a fictional story about a multiple system, maybe condense it down to fewer members for ease of storytelling. I don't know how to go about it yet. I'd need Sal's help, in either case, and I don't think he's quite up to it just yet. And I understand. We have so much crap in our life that we need to sort out first. Clean the house, take better care of our pets, of our own health. Only then can we have the tranquility and peace of mind to allow ourself to be creative again. I hope it happens this year. I'm so tired of living the day to day with nothing meaningful to show for it. *sigh* I digress now. I've gotta head on out to pick up Mom from work. Toodles, I guess.