05 December 2019 - 21:47
end of dayGRIZZLY: I feel like updating again, so there.
I've been going over many things in our mind ever since Angel first "came out" to us about the multiple thing. Mainly, it really makes me reconsider what it means to be plural, and how to handle our life as such, in order to set a good example and help guide his budding system. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to seem as though I'm encouraging him to be multiple. I still say he needs to discover that for himself, and I'm not sure he's mature enough to do that yet. Not that my nephew is immature in personality. He's a smart kid, and quiet. But he can get a bit stubborn and set in his ways. My sister says he gets that from me. Us. Whatever. Well, in her point-of-view, it's definitely me. I don't think she believes in my us.
Damn, I'm getting hungry.
Anyway, I've been reevaluating a lot about what it means to be me. As in, me, Grizzly, not me as in our body. For a long time, I thought I was the Core personality. I think I've mentioned this before.
XVL: You have.
GRIZZLY: Right. As long as I can remember, and up until now, I have no memory gaps. Everything we do, even if I'm not the one personally doing it, or thinking it, I remember it nonetheless. And no one else around here seems to have that. Not even you and Ninja, Sal.
XVL: I know.
GRIZZLY: Whenever we pass control of the body over, it's like I telepathically pass over information to you both, so you get in on the loop.
XVL: I know.
GRIZZLY: Don't you think that's weird? That I know everything that happens to the Body, at all times, and I'm always present? Even when Polla and Yang... you know.
XVL: Yeah, we know. And also, I know, dude, so chill.
NINJA: Also, you're wrong.
NINJA: You don' know everything. You's know what most shit that goes 'round here, an' also shit that goes on Outside, but you's can't see what we's all doin' if we's don' want you to. Some of us can block you.
XVL: Piojo can block him, you mean. Piojo, Prophet, and... well, I think that's it.
NINJA: Nah, Gis can block him out, too. Even you can, Sal. Back when you dis'peared, remember? Even after you's came back, an' Grizz tried ta poke yer mind fer answers, you couldn't give him any.
XVL: But that's different. I couldn't give him any answers because I didn't have any answers. I still don't. I can't remember anything from back then except that tiny flit of memory that I already shared with you guys. Other than that, I'm a blank slate. But you're right on Gis. She's cute and all, but that little chiquita is more powerful than we think. And before you go on a tangent, Grizz, I don't mean powerful like Piojo, or even like Prophet. I mean she has power over our Mindspace, her presence is strong. To where we can't always control her outbursts, at least not right away. I used to think she was the Core, if we have one to begin with.
YANG: Well, she's definitely one of the oldest ones around here, ironically. Her and BB and Piojo. That's how we know you can't be the Core, Grizzler. You've admitted yourself that there were others here before you. And you can't access those memories, because you weren't here when those things happened. Might be the main reason why we have such big memory gaps of our early childhood.
GRIZZLY: Probably. I remember... dancing along to Gloria Trevi with Toty in the kitchen, climbing on the table and crawling on the floor. But that memory isn't mine. I think I got it from B. That was before my time. Just like the memories I have of Patty and Israel aren't really mine either. But anyway, that's not really why I wanted to sit around and talk to everyone. And actually, I don't even have a real need to talk to any of you. I just wanted to kinda… describe what our Mindscape is like, and what each one of us is like to.
XVL: Like an inventory?
GRIZZLY: Yeah, sort of, I guess. So... we all here? And are we all up for it?
YANG: Look around and you tell us.
GRIZZLY: Okay... *deep breath and I look around* What do I see?
It's dim in here, as usual. The atmosphere is cool, like the barren ground beneath my feet. I'm barefoot, and I'm wearing a navy-blue t-shirt and black sweatpants. Very comfy. To my left sits Ninja, cross-legged. I'm standing, but I get the desire to join him on the floor. Sal is to my right, also sitting down, but he's on one of those cheap foldable chairs. He's wearing yellow and red tennis shoes, the ones Pifas got us so many years ago, with the double-laces. He's wearing that white and red baseball t-shirt and faded jeans. His hair is spiked, as usual, and it looks dark in the dim light, but not his natural brown-black. Dude... is that pine?
XVL: I've been telling you guys we need to dye it.
GRIZZLY: Anyway, your hair looks like Churchis's tail feathers. Kinda nice, actually.
XVL: Thanks. *grin*
GRIZZLY: Yang's sitting directly across from me, also on the floor, but he's more splayed out than Ninja. He's wearing that old grey trench coat he likes so much, white t-shirt underneath, black jeans. And you guys are the ones sitting closest to me, so I can't see everyone else. They fade into the dimness. But I know they're there. It's what I was trying to explain to A11. About how we can only see who's immediately close to us, or who we need to see. Same thing goes for objects around here. Listen, the Preload people, at least the managers, are already starting to arrive. They've been here for about half an hour already, and they're kinda distracting me. We need to get a laptop or something so we can update this thing in peace and privacy. Anyhow, let's go home. Because we're also getting hungry. We'll let the kids eat their sushi.