17 March 2008 - 19:59
I's seriously don' know what the fuck everyone was thinkin', lettin' me dominate t'nite.
WORK SUCKS, dawg, I's hate it, I's hate it, hate it, jus' fuckin' HATE IT. An' I's didn' used to. It's 'cause a the people I's work wit' now. They's get to me. I's had ta put up wit' "Alex" n' her new fuckin' shirt. I could tell she was tryin' ta dress up f'r someone. Prob'ly Juan. Hate his fuckin' ass too, but not as much. He's prob'ly the one I least hate in this so-called "team." Him, n' maybe Denise. I've grown to tolerate her. But she weren't even here t'day, dawg, so not even that bitch ta distract me. Seriously, don' know what the fuck we was thinkin'. 'Cause just seein' the Kid made me wanna skin his fuckin' ass alive, n' put a stake up his ass, stick it inta the ground, n' make him into a scarecrow. Have the birds pick out his eyeballs n' innards n' shit. Blood streamin' everywhere. I's can see it now...
I's know it ain't normal to be this violent. I ain't even sure why I's hate dem anymore. They's don' even talk to me at all. 'N maybe tha's why.
I be so tired righ' now. I drank two fuckin' cokes, n' that didn't help fer shit. I jus' be tired. Mostly 'cause Jack wanted ta dominate too, while I was there, but we's don' let the guy out that much at work. 'Specially 'round Alex, 'cause it creeps him out. But he wanted to ask her if it was true that she knew our dead María friend. Don' know where he got that fuckin' idea in his head. 'Course she didn't. *shifty eyes*
I had thought of somethin' jus' now, but it flitts by my mind... *shakes head* I be dizzy, a little. Mus' be all the damn coke.
Or switchin', says Svl.
SVL: It's switching.
I was telling him that we might just be fed up with everything because of what happened last night at Barnes & Noble. Their psychology section is small, and books on multiplicity were even scarcer. There were only three kinds, and even so, only about two different books of each type on average: the haunting true story of the horrors of some disfunctional multiple system or other told from their own point of view or that of their heroic psychotherapist; the kind that lists the symptoms and the best way to get "help" so these "fractured individuals" can learn to "function properly" within the norms of society; or on the other extreme, a book stating that all people are multiple, that it's a clever device of the brain to help us cope. So when you say "I don't know what drove me to do such a thing" or "I just don't feel like myself today," then, BANG! Guess what? You're MULTIPLE!
*grunt* Yeah, and I'm the effin' ToothFairy.
So we have those extremes, and the heartfealt biographies in between, and even the books on schizophrenia started to look more appealing. I'm just so sick of all this bullshit! I'm almost tempted to tell my family, after all these years, "Hey, everyone! Guess what? APRIL FOOLS! I've just been pulling your legs all this time, there's really not a lot of me's. It's just plain old me, but I was feeling a need for attention. I'm mature enough to where I don't need it though, but thanks for your support anyway."
Seriously. I'll piss them off, but we might end up better off that way.
So, yeah. I think that's what probably started us all off in the first place. And we didn't notice until we got to work. But we've been kinda down lately, all weekend, and it's probably due to that.
BB: It's due to a lot of things, Svl. It's also because of the Dud.
SVL: Oh, yeah. She says she doesn't want anymore kids because she's afraid they'll come out with some mental disorder, like multiplicity.
NINJA: As if there were anythin' wrong wit' dat, dawg.
SVL: I know! Shit, it's not a disorder! But she won't believe us, and it's got us all feeling down. It's why we were looking for a book on multiplicity in the first place, so we could placate her, or something.
BB: I really don't think Angel or Nenni are multiple, though. But then again, they're babies, so I can't really tell.
NINJA: An' so what if they was? There. Ain't. Nothing. Wrong. Wit'. Dat.
SVL: I know, but still. I guess we gotta understand where she's coming from.
NINJA: She be a coward, is all.
We need to get off this thing already. My mind's so dizzy... I just wanna curl up already.