08 April 2022 - 10:23
whoa, woeGRIZZLY: *sigh* Yeah... it's me again, here to bitch and moan.
I finished up Decimator a few days back and posted it up. Thing is, after that... I haven't kept writing. I feel numb.
Damn it, this is supposed to be the last chapter. I should be writing it. Eagerly, at that. (Of course, this is not including the Epilogue and Wayfarer, but Cremator ends the timeline, at least.) I just feel utterly unmotivated.
A lot of it, I know, has to do with Mom. I'm worried about her, and I feel guilty delving into my fictional world to escape what's happening with her. But then again, if I don't finish my story, and something does happen to her... well, I want her to be able to read at least one of my stories! And I know I'm an arrogant prick, but in this instance, I'm really not doing it to inflate my own ego. Mom truly enjoys what she knows about my fanfiction, and she's told us that she wants to read it. I want her to see what I'm capable of, as a writer. I want her to know that I will become a published author someday, because I can. I have it in me.
Except right now, I don't. The whole thing about switching out my old phone hasn't helped, either. I'm kinda kicking myself in the balls now for going to Verizon and trading it in, for doing it so thoughtlessly. It's not even the stupid dragon game anymore (although, yes, that still stings). Turns out, I lost a lot of my data, from my One Note personal documents. I had recordings in there! But at this point, I'm kinda numb to everything. Numb and unmotivated. See? There's that word again.
Well, no use moping about. I need to go feed the cats, or else it'll be 'Ama bitching and moaning about me.